Fuck Your Ideals….a PSA

In her groundbreaking best-seller “The Verbally Abusive Relationship”, Patricia Evans divides people into two groups: those who look for Personal Power in relationships and those who prefer Power Over. Personal Power is defined as a power style that manifests as “mutuality and co-creation.” It promotes the well being of all through healthy communication and empathy. Power Over is a power style that requires “control and dominance” without regard for another’s dignity or quality of life let alone the truth or the rule of law. (The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Evans, 2010.)

Power Over is the worldview of our current President and his flying monkeys, er, administration. This is his belief of how the world is supposed to work. He has already proven that he has no problem with abusing the power of his office to get what he wants. He has offered to make shish-ka-bobs of Senators’ heads should they defy him. He lies like lying is an Olympic sport. He has a hard-on for other Power Over types like Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-Un. Mutuality is a dirty word to Donald Trump. He ought to have “It’s All About Me” tattooed on his orange forehead as a warning signal to unsuspecting others.

What people need to attempt to wrap their brains around is that there is a MAJOR difference between someone who is a self-centered jerk and someone who has the malignant narcissist cluster-fuck of symptoms. According to Campbell’s Psychiatric Dictionary, malignant narcissism combines characteristics of:

• narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
• antisocial personality disorder (APD), and
• paranoia

So basically, you have a triple scoop of NO ability for empathy, NO working conscience and a completely delusional victim complex. Campbell’s Dictionary also states that malignant narcissism includes a big fat cherry of aggressiveness and sadism plopped on top for good measure.

In other words, your ex-boyfriend might have been an arrogant asshole but he probably wouldn’t be okay with putting kids in cages, no matter their parents’ alleged crimes.

Malignant Narcissism is a big, colorful umbrella, and I won’t go into everything that’s underneath it. Suffice it to say that there’s a reason it’s called Malignant. It’s a cancer that spreads and destroys everything it touches. The smartest thing you can do if you find yourself in a relationship with one of these motherfuckers is to RUN. And you may have to disassociate yourself with everyone and everything that surrounds him, as painful as that might be. And you may have to undergo a long period of emotional chemotherapy to heal the parts of yourself that have become diseased as a result of that association. Rebuilding the damage that was done will be a long-term process.

Okay, so here’s the thing: If you support Donald Trump because you are enjoying lording Power Over the libtards, keep in mind that your fearless leader gives less than a rat’s ass about you and that you will be on the pointy end of his policies in no time flat (he is already planning to cut Medicare, Social Security, Medicaid and the pre-existing clause in the ACA, plus don’t even get me started on his Coronavirus response). You are never actually in control with a Power Over person. You are basically a victim of Stockholm Syndrome (a condition which causes hostages to develop a psychological alliance with their captors during captivity).

If you actually think that person is watching out for you, think again. That person is watching out for himself and keeping an eye ON you to make sure that you are being properly sycophantic. The malignant narcissist can only tolerate two kinds of people: those who slavishly kiss his ass and those whose asses he has no choice but to smooch on. (Think Pence and Putin, respectively.)

You are always, always, ALWAYS safer and better off living in Personal Power and dealing with people who live in Personal Power. Even if you disagree on some or perhaps many issues, you can trust that your concerns and welfare will actually be CONSIDERED. The Power Over, or Malignant Narcissist person, will occasionally act AS IF they are a Personal Power person, but they are truly only wolves in grandma’s skivvies. They will promise to take care of you today and eat you alive tomorrow. Then they will suck your bones and lick their fingers. That’s the ONE thing you can trust. They are masters of mindfuckery and their cruelty and greed know no bounds.

This is the best argument I can think of for choosing to vote for ANYONE except Donald Trump and more importantly to vote whatever way you have to vote to make sure he is not reelected. Not because I think you shouldn’t have the choice to be a Republican or a Democrat or an Independent or a Green Partier or a Libertarian or a member of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (it’s a thing). You be you. But desperate times require desperate measures. We simply do not have the luxury to vote for our ideal candidate; not now. So you want to vote your conscience? Can’t bring yourself to pull the lever for a so-called “establishment” candidate? Won’t vote for a Democratic Socialist? Well, no offense, but WHAT THE FUCK? A bunch of us are still grieving that our GIRL didn’t make the final cut, but we aren’t gonna whine about it. We’re gonna pull up our granny panties and take one for the team. Because, to borrow a phrase from the great Mick Jagger, “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might just get what you need.” So don’t be a dick~~ pull the lever for someone who might not share all your personal beliefs, but who is a staunch believer in Personal Power.

Don’t let this cancer metastasize any further.

The life you save may be your own.

Author: kvetchinwithgretchen

I am a licensed clinical social worker who has had the honor of working with many wonderful clients over the past 27 years and their stories inspire me, haunt me, intrigue me and sometimes infuriate me. I have learned from them and I want to share what I have learned with you. View all posts by kvetchinwithgretchen