Covid Relief

About 18 months ago, we started hearing about the new kid on the block, Covid, 19. At first we heard he wasn’t too bad, then the rumors started flying that he was a little bitch. Once he moved in for good, it was clear that he was gonna kick everyone’s ass.

I took on a few more clients and said that I could handle anything for a bit because we were all suffering and needed a little extra help. I mean, how long could this last? A couple of months? We all had to pitch in and take one for the team. Today I feel like a tire that developed a slow leak and has finally gone completely flat. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

“Can’t you just stay home and do all your sessions on Zoom?” people have asked. The answer is “no”. A study after the attacks on the World Trade towers showed that most people who lived through 9/11 did NOT develop PTSD. Whaaaat?? Why? Because they had a safe place to go home to. Those who did develop PTSD were victims of domestic abuse and did not have a safe home. Those same people cannot be assured of safety and privacy zooming from home. Others who struggle, either with being able to connect emotionally or technologically, have requested in-person sessions. I have done these since the beginning of the pandemic, masked, in a sterilized office, at a 10-foot distance. I have fortunately, knock wood, remained Covid-free as have my in-person clients.

Even those therapists who have made the choice to only work from home are not having an easy time of it. Here’s the thing: while we shrinks go through some shit like anyone, we can vent to our own therapists or co-workers and usually our shit is episodic. Most of the time we are not going through the same shit as everyone else, but this past year and a half we have all been navigating a boat through the Sea of Shit right along with our clients. We are doing our best to impart some kind of hope, sometimes from a deep well of our own personal hopelessness and sense of failure.

I am not on the crew of the shittiest boat out there. That honor goes hands down to the medical professionals who work tirelessly to save lives. For every person who has died, there is an average of FIVE people living with grief, including medical and mental health workers. We are a traumatized nation.

What is most difficult for me personally is that while I am used to helping people learn to recognize they are okay “in the now” and that this too shall pass, currently I can’t even pull off that magic trick. Because, as we speak, “in the now” sucks and doesn’t appear to be passing anytime soon. People have a hard time being “in the now” when there’s no way of knowing when an intolerable now is going to become a tolerable then.

I can’t predict the future when it comes to a Godzilla virus we’ve never encountered before. I can only let people know that while I have no idea when or if they are going to be okay I will be there with them and do my level best to help them cope. And somehow, being willing to go meet them in the office seems the right thing, at least for me, to do. Being in the same space together provides benefits that no Zoom session will ever do.

We as a species are fairly hardy~~we can tolerate unusual amounts of stress for an unusual amount of time. Unfortunately, we pay a toll for long-term unrelenting stress, and it’s not rewarded at the end with a trip to Disneyland. It is rewarded with physical and mental health problems that we must work to mitigate. I do practice what I preach, so I exercise, I eat right, I (try) not to drink too much, I follow a sleep routine, I stay in touch with my peeps, I meditate, I journal, I binge Netflix. But the operative word is TRY. Exhaustion from ongoing, no-end-in-sight stress and trauma is no joke. It is a true malady that indicates we need more and better coping mechanisms.

And now Covid’s more aggressive sister, Delta, has moved in as well.

What we really need is a break from the fear and the death and the isolation. Since many people refuse to get the vaccine and mask up, causing experts to declare that not only is herd immunity going to be elusive, but we could be on the verge of yet another huge wave and yet more mask mandates. Cases and deaths are spiking once again.

We need to dig even deeper for a wellspring of inspiration to pull us through. I once had a client who came to me complaining that even though she worked out every day for twenty minutes on a treadmill and was eating single rather than double portions of pasta, the needle on her scale remained stuck on high. When I suggested perhaps she walk farther, stop eating pasta altogether and let me help her learn to tolerate feelings of deprivation she did the reasonable thing and found another therapist.

But seriously, I meant every word I said to her. If what you’re doing isn’t working, then you need to try something else. So what do we try now?

People have been through much worse, right? The Holocaust comes to mind. Slavery. The Spanish Inquisition. The Plague was no walk in the park, the Civil Rights movement, pick a war, any war. The last couple seasons of Ally McBeal. Just to name a few. How did the people who survived get through the rage, the grief, the guilt, the fear, the hopelessness, the tedium? I’m gonna take a wild stab and say that it wasn’t yoga, Netflix or eating kale salads. I believe they got through by faith. By courage. By continuing to fight for humanity and decency. By reaching out and helping their fellow human beings. By developing a core philosophy based on kindness and strength and patience and perseverance. By reaching down to the bottom of their souls and scraping out the last bit of supply and then sharing it.

By learning to tolerate deprivation.

Even though we sometimes do break a bit; we complain, kvetch and rail at what we’re being put through, we feel moments of despair and loss of faith, there comes a time when we simply HAVE to knock that crap off, grow a pair and do what has to be done. Anti-vaxxers, Covid deniers, Maskholes, I’m talking to YOU~~grow up and get vaccinated.

Maybe channel Anne Frank and try one of these on for size:

“I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.” (E.g., listen to Fauci, he knows what he’s talking about; he’s not perfect, but he wants you to survive.)

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” (I can improve the world by getting vaccinated? Who’d a thunk?)

“I can’t imagine how anyone can say: ‘I’m weak’, and then remain so. After all, if you know it, why not fight against it, why not try to train your character?” (But I repeat myself: get fucking vaccinated.)

Anne Frank died before her 16th birthday.

Now THERE’s a kick in the ass.