2023, Resolved

Every New Year’s Eve as I sit down to write out my resolutions, I am filled with a sense of excitement and anticipation, much like I always feel around Labor Day, the weekend before a new year of school is going to start, even though my school days are far behind me. As Christmas approaches, I still feel like a little kid waiting for Santa to come down the chimney. It’s just a touch of something in the air, a bracing whiff of a new beginning; something good and happy. Like Tony in West Side Story sang: “Somethin’s comin’, I don’t know what it is, but it’s gonna be great.” Okay, the movie ended on a bit of a downer, but stick with me here.

Many people have told me they don’t do resolutions because they think they’re stupid or because they know they won’t do any of them. “What’s the point?” they ask. Well, I have to agree, especially if New Year’s resolutions are an admonition to lose weight, work out more, get more organized, stop procrastinating, make more money, blah blah blah blah barf. I myself can look back on years of resolutions and see that I didn’t manage to meet most of them because they all involved WORK and more deprivation. It is as if, after the indulgence of the holiday season, we must suddenly put on a hairshirt and atone for all our wickedness. What a shitty way to start a year.

I am loathe to admit I have started every New Year’s with a laundry list of personal inadequacies that I felt I need to repair. So after a couple days of HIIT workouts, a low calorie diet and no TV, I end up saying “fuck me~~I need a pizza and some Netflix” and my resolutions are out the window.

Two years ago I made the resolution that I was going to end the year being able to do ten straight leg pushup burpees, in a row………. last year I vowed to solve Wordle in more three guesses than four guesses…..ha!….A for effort, D- for execution.

Is it any wonder that people think resolutions are useless?

It’s because we aren’t wired to take on wholesale change. We are wired to make incremental change. Our neurons need time to catch up with our new habits. Once you’ve established a new habit it becomes easier, but it takes a solid three weeks of commitment to that habit (or the breaking of one) before you feel as though it’s not climbing a mountain every day. We also are not, contrary to popular belief, well motivated by self-flagellation. Any of you who were harangued to do better as a child (raises hand) probably still uses this completely idiotic method on themselves. It works for a minute, just like yelling at your kid might make them stop biting their sister, but it has no lasting benefit except that the kid gets sneakier. Giving yourself compassion, love, and gentle encouragement is the right path.

Last year I was talking to a client who said that her New Year’s resolution was to invite a group of friends to go out to a restaurant once a month. She had done so for Christmas Day and had such a joyful time she realized that it was something she could easily do on a regular basis.

Now THAT’s the kind of resolution we should get behind. Rather than finding more ways to beat ourselves up, we can resolve to find ways of bringing more joy into our lives. Instead of starting from the belief that we are somehow wanting, somehow defective, and resolving to fix all the broken parts, perhaps we should start by loving ourselves and giving to ourselves what we have been withholding: time with friends, fun, comfort, recreation, joy, self-appreciation.

I know that the world is a a hot mess. Reading the news can bring on panic attacks. But in looking back at my journals, it strikes me that the world has always been a hot mess. A huge, messy, cruel, discouraging, hot honking mess. And somehow it keeps revolving and we keep revolving along with it. If anything, we should resolve to make the world a better place, and that starts with loving ourselves and others. With enjoying the world and the people we’ve been given.

So despite it all, this year I resolve to bring MORE into my life, not less. MORE fun, more joy, more comfort, more LOVE. More rest. More connection. More peace, more forgiveness, more CARBS. I will not resolve to make Wordle my bitch or do Burpees. I hated those fuckers in grade school and I hate them now.

I will work less and nap more. I will continue to look at dog rescue videos with wild abandon instead of telling myself to knock it off. I will eat delicious food and drink good wine and listen to great music. I will have long, leisurely conversations, and treat myself to travel when my bank account cooperates. I will leave my damn Christmas tree up for yet another year. And most of all, I will allow myself to tell people how much they mean to me and ask them to be part of my life.

And…….who am I kidding?……I WILL continue to try to make Wordle my bitch.

Happy New Year!!